Efficacy of Bites

How about that, a study coming out of the University of Tampa in Florida purports to prove that shark bites aren't 'hard'. In that, despite their size, their bite cannot compare in strength to that of lions or tigers. On the other hand, the wide size of their jaws and the sharpness of sharks' teeth are capable of producing deadly damage to the tender limbs of unwary humans swimming in the waters of Florida, Australia and elsewhere.

It would be of no comfort whatever to those people who have lost limbs to shark attacks to discover, through this research that in comparison to lions, shark bites register on the wimp side of the scale. Since exposure of frail humans unprotected by nature's endowment of sharp claws or tearing jaws inevitably results in a person being maimed or dying in any uneven physical contest with a shark in its natural territory, it's hard to determine the value of the study and its conclusion.

On the other hand, there are bites that one would never suspect might result in the pain that they do, and they don't emanate from the animal world, but rather the very human world world of finance and jurisprudence. We're talking here about sharp business practices where professional money managers scout out their prey, circle them to size up their potential, just as the shark does, and then move in stealthily and with great natural skill for the kill.

Leaving trusting investors with that helplessly puzzled expression of "what happened to my retirement nest egg?". Those same sharks invest their time and expertise in gambling recklessly with shareholders' money, getting paid handsomely for their efforts, and when the empty schemes of investments tied to sub-prime mortgages and collateralized debt obligations collapse, they walk away with hefty money bags and princely executive pay-outs, and the shareholders are left holding that proverbial empty bag.

There are bankruptcies as businesses collapse bringing the economy to a shuddering halt, with all the professional money-lenders and investors clamouring to be heard that they knew nothing about what had gone amiss, and it wasn't their fault, and government has to do something, fast and authoritatively, to bail the country out of the dilemma their greed has caused. And government comes riding its white horse to the rescue, handing out rescue funds, taking a big bite out of taxpayers' resources.

In march the law firms, setting to work on the resulting bankruptcy procedures. And they bite deeply indeed. With Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc., filing for bankruptcy and undertaking the legal proceedings and obligations with $612-billion in debt, the law firm of Weil Gotshall & Manges is charging $650 to $950 an hour for their distinguished professional work. A modest, shark-like bite in remuneration for a professional firm of lawyers, skilled in the paperwork required.

Modest by comparison to the fiercely effective lion-tiger bite of the 1,800-lawyer Sidley Austin law firm charged with the discharging of the bankruptcy obligations of the Chicago Tribune Co., where the law firm charges $575 to $1,100 per hour for partners, $400 to $875 per hour for counsel and senior counsel, $240 to $650 per hour for associates, and $95 to $385 per hour for paraprofessionals.

Now who, in this contest of big bites comes out on top? Those are a whole lot of hungry sharks and demon-possessed lions in the prosecution of law and the order of business collapse.