Till Irritation Do Us Part

Cool, polished, civil and civilized. To agree between a married couple that although they still like one another and perhaps even respect one another, it is time to part. For the elemental reason that their interests do not converge, perhaps never did. They are too unlike in their values and priorities to continue living together in harmony. And if the investment has been only three years, why then, parting is not all that difficult.

Couples make that kind of decision all the time. To part, that is. But rarely is the parting agreeable in nature. More often each blames the other for not living up to a psychological agreement that each would make an effort to respect one another's differences and appreciate what they have in common. The effort sometimes becomes too onerous and either one or both decide the experiment was a failure.

Sometimes it's an inattentive partner, or a philandering one that causes the anger to mount. Sometimes it's an attitude of incurable arrogance that causes one to feel he/she is superior to the other, and the alpha runs the show. Then there's the possibility that the physical attraction has evaporated. Or one of the tandem isn't wholly invested in matching the bacon the other brings home.

Whatever the reasons, what usually results is rancour and vituperation. One of the brace may be thunderstruck by the announcement of the other that it's time to call an end to the duo. One may still love the one who now denies there ever was love to begin with. The longer the irritation of living together continues before the final break, the more urgent the passion of disharmony becomes.

Unlike the oyster, irritated by the tiny grain of sand that he keeps oozing nacre over to eventually produce a pearl, the couple headed toward divorce seldom produce a pearl of acceptable behaviour toward one another. Separation and divorce are heralded by angry and ugly denunciations.

That's how most marriages end, in blame and anger, whatever the cause. But then, if someone has limitless wealth and a more blase attitude toward life, augmented by a balanced personality and a large social following, things can be done differently. A three-year marriage between a young, attractive woman and an older, moneyed man can result in invitations to celebrate a divorce.

As has been done by Charles and Bonnie Bronfman, who have invited their circle of friends to a night of cocktails and party chatter in New York City. Their invitation signs off with "fondly, Bonnie and Charles"; with the explanation that they look forward "to continuing these relationships with everyone."

Just not quite so intimately with one another.