Practising To Deceive

What is it that motivates high-powered alpha males who consider themselves to be so entitled that they cannot maintain their most intimate personal relationships intact? They claim and possibly believe that their love for their mates are absolute, yet they are unable to forego the piquancy of the pursuit. Sexual conquest and gratification seems to overcome all other needs, urging to be fulfilled.

It is a human enough trait to succumb to inner urges, but the adult in us also cautions against excess and the destruction of vital relationships.

There is a choice; to maintain what is of emotional stability and deep value, or to knowingly, through the compulsion of emotional adventure and satisfactions derived from the thrill of achieving illicit relationships, to charge their atmosphere with the potential of destruction of a marriage. The urge seems irresistible to men who consider themselves to be elevated above the concerns that instruct most men although it is certainly not commonly unknown among the general population.

And, of course, women are as susceptible as are their male counterparts to forging relationships outside the confines of their marriages that will, in the end, destroy their marriages. Sometimes deliberately, sometimes because of a course of events that can no longer be restrained. The scenarios and the events themselves are as varied in circumstance and reason as the reflection of human dynamism and individual emotions and needs fulfillment.

Men and women search for intimate companionship, love and sexual gratification in monogamous relationships, then tire of the monotony and predictability and look elsewhere for additional uplifts. It seems to be men, largely, whose predator's instincts draw them toward destroying their intimate partnerships and with them, often enough, their public careers. Since it is high-profile public figures that draw the attention of the curious.

From politicians to socialites, sport figures to entertainment celebrities, aristocrats to the fellow living around the block, peoples' fallibility in maintaining constancy and the obligations of protecting and valuing special relationships seem to fall casually by the wayside of impetuous desires fulfilled. Women can find it in them to overlook casual errors in judgement, often enough.

But when it is revealed that their trust has been betrayed over a prolonged period of time, the sting of betrayal, that what they represent in the deepest possible emotional terms has not been sufficient to satisfy the cravings and the satisfaction of their partner represents a rejection of their value as partners. To discover that one's husband has maintained a long-standing affair under the radar of discovery represents a monumental blow to elemental self-esteem.

It represents a hard blow to the belief that a deep love and trust and understanding has been equally shared. It is destructive of not only the relationship but the psychical sense of self-worth. What woman would view with equanimity the revelation that her husband of a quarter-century fathered a child with another woman at the very same time that he impregnated her with their youngest child?

It is an unforgivable affront to the dignity of the relationship, a betrayal at the deepest level of the trust and love inherent in such a relationship. The deep and lasting harm that people do to one another through these secret alliances cannot be ameliorated by any kind of remorse after the fact. The deed is done and the pain is lasting.

"Another guy gov admits 2 cheating on his wife. Maybe we need more women governors. Guys: Keep ur pants zipped, for Pete's sake." Jennifer Granholm.

It is only the public figures, the politicians and the socialites,the entertainers and the high-paid sport figures that cause a scandal when salacious reports of details are revealed through the media. But these scenarios with various squalid and disappointing details occur all too often within the lives of the general public, disrupting family life and leaving children to cope with deleterious emotional upheavals.

"This is a painful and heart-breaking time. As a mother, my concern is for the children. I ask for compassion, respect and privacy as my children and I try to rebuild our lives and heal." Maria Shriver

It is not possible to confine the damage to one's inner sphere. Gossip on a grand scale, as in regularly updated media reports as details emerge occurs and the public is agog with disbelief at the status of those involved in the fall from public grace - revealing as in the case of those like John Kennedy, Tiger Woods and Arnold Schwarzenegger that the emperor lost his dignity in a series of tawdry affairs.

"After leaving the governor's office, I told my wife about this event, which occurred over a decade ago. I understand and deserve the feelings of anger and disappointment among my friends and family. there are no excuses and I take full responsibility for the hurt I have caused. I have apologize to Maria, my children and my family. I am truly sorry." Arnold Schwarzenegger

And on the micro-level, young children are bewildered as their parents no longer resemble the adults they know and have depended upon for emotional security and stability. They see their modest homes with for-sale signs and strangers trampling through for inspection, as the neighbours talk quietly among themselves expressing society's collective sadness at yet another human failure.